Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have tasted many bathrooms
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
