NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
