just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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