The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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