Screwed.edu
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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