Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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