I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
