i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
