she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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