Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
