I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
