I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize