There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
sex in a hospital.. check
I just had sex on a roof
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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