If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
