a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
