Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
