You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
