don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We left an ass print on the piano.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize