she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
