i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
