We're facebook friends in real life
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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