The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
