Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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