I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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