Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She announced her abortion via fbk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
