I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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