that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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