my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Congratulations! We have a period
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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