State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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