I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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