Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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