where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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