I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
