Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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