this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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