he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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