those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
