totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
