i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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