Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
