I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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