Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
