ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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