I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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