the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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