If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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