It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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