Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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