Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
