I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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