I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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