Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
