somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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