Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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