would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
