i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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