I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
