I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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