i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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