Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize