bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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