I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
