omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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