Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
