what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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