p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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