bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
