you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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