So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
