Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
