So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
